this is not a drill

you know
the fortune teller
warned me about this
she told me
“there will be a storm in your life
one that is already there
waiting to disturb everything
and it will be a realization”
I scoffed
and thought nothing of it

I didn’t believe in fortune telling
I still don’t
but I can’t believe the fortune teller
saw this coming and I didn’t

there was a long calm before the storm
it snuck up on me
I don’t know what happened
I don’t know if it was always there
hiding
waiting for my ribcage to crack

it didn’t hit me hard
or knock me off my feet
it slithered
slowly
through my broken ribs
into my heart
lungs
and every other part of me

I’ve seen weathers
but this is the first time
something like this happens to me
usually the forecast is correct
usually I can tell
since day one
if there will be hurricanes
I guess I was too preoccupied
with puddles and mud
I guess I didn’t look the right way

I should have glanced at the sky
I could have seen it right away
but back then
my world was falling apart
and I was trying to be a home
for a broken branch

you know
even when
I was completely oblivious
to the wind growing wild
I remember it
it’s the only thing I remember

I don’t know what to do with this
catastrophe
I think it’s no longer a storm
it’s a tempest
it’s a typhoon
it’s something more
and it’s
knocking the wind
out of me

I don’t know what to do
with this realization
I don’t know where to go
there is no shelter for me
because I carry this
havoc
with in me
and it’s promising to crush me
whenever
I look at the sky

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