My Dirtiest Secret

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I can’t get it together,
I can’t act fine.

I’m done pretending,
That I’m okay with you not being mine.

Some kind of a torture I make myself go through,
Thinking I will never be the one for you.

You’re the misery that lies behind my eyes.
My depression,
You’re the placebo that I use to escape life.

There’s a dark place inside me with your name on it.
There’re crows eating my mind for you.
There’s a door to hell guarded by a troll,
And the answer to its riddle is, you.

You will never be mine,
I keep trying to convince myself.
I need to get away from you,
I keep trying to tell myself.

But you’re the only being I be with,
You’re the only music I hear,
You’re the light that blinds my irises,
You’re the bullet buried in my brain.

I’m invisible to you,
I’m not in the equation.
It’s sad how much you don’t listen to me,
It’s sadder how much I want you to.

I’m stuck here.
With your name on my tongue,
And your voice in my ears.

I’m stuck.

Wanting you to want me and wanting me to leave you.

I’m stuck.

I can’t have whatever you give anymore.

I can’t live my life like this.

I can’t be your diary.

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2 thoughts on “My Dirtiest Secret

  1. I am speechless after reading that :O
    “There’s a dark place inside me with your name on it.
    There’re crows eating my mind for you.
    There’s a door to hell guarded by a troll,
    And the answer to its riddle is, you.”
    This part was absolutely fantastic 🙂

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