What have I done?
I killed him.
These two sentences were running in my head for the last two weeks.
I know no one is going to find out but sometimes I wish someone would.
I can still smell his blood in the room.
I can still feel the gun in my hand.
But it’s over and I have to move on.
I stand up from my bed and head to my shower because I smell like death. Huh, how ironic.
I stand in the shower and let the water cascade on my shoulders.
I burnt his body and threw the ashes into the sea because my criminal mind is that psychotic.
“He deserved it” a part of me always chants.
He deserved it. It’s a fact.
“But it’s not up to you to decide if he deserved it or not” a part of me whispers.
I finish my shower and get dressed.
I killed him. My stomach lurches, I ignore it.
I start walking down the street to go to my favorite restaurant.
Are people’s glances disgusted or is it just in my head?
It’s probably just in my head because nobody knows.
“Breathe. Nobody knows. Be normal”.
My brain repeats in a mantra like manner.
I breathe, my heart beats slow until I see the bridge from which I threw his ashes.
I walk to the exact spot and look at the sea, it smells terrible. Must be his ashes.
I cry, and it’s the first time that I cry since I shot him.
I scream, I kick the bridge.
“WHY DID I KILL HIM?!!!!”
“HE DESERVED TO DIE!!!!”
It’s like these two voices are ripping me apart.
“I’m a murderer.”This thought makes me stop crying.
It takes me two seconds to comprehend what I just thought.
And for the first time in two weeks I accept the fact that he’s dead. That I killed him.
I hear police sirens as a police car passes by. I panic for a moment, my brain has already prepared lies and schemes, my tongue was ready to say “It wasn’t me! I didn’t do it!”
I almost calm down when the police car passes by, I remind myself “Nobody knows.”.
I take a deep breath and continue walking to my favorite restaurant.
People are searching for him, they think he’s lost.
Nobody knows I existed in his life.
I’m the perfect criminal. I almost felt proud.
I killed him. Now what?